Here Is Love
by The Doctor's Bad Wolf
Summary: Cirdan, Lord of the Havens had never thought to find another Elf to spend his life with. When a young elleth half his age suddenly becomes the target of another ellon’s attention, Cirdan learns how much she means to him.
1. Whispering Word

**Title: **Here Is Love

**Author: **Haleth Broadbent

**Summary: **Cirdan, Lord of the Havens had never thought to find another Elf to spend his life with. When a young elleth half his age suddenly becomes the target of another ellon's attention, Cirdan learns how much she means to him.

**Declaimer: **I own nothing but my quill and parchment.

**Rating: **PG

**Time: **Five hundred years after the Ring was destroyed.

Whispering word..

A sigh of sighs,

The ebb and the flow

of the ocean tides.

Enya

It was late afternoon and storm clouds growled lowly on the horizon. The white and grey houses of the havens took on a deeper hue and the sun slipped behind the clouds.

The great main house was surrounded by the smaller, snugger cottages that were used by elves departing for Valinor. The land reaches out and holds the bay with thin promontory arms that stretch north and south, leaving the West a clear gateway to the sea and home.

Cirdan hammered the last nail into place and straightened his back. He surveyed the dock and tested his weight on the now secure board. He smiled with smug satisfaction, it was perfect.

He scooped up the little pouch of nails and slipped his hammer into his belt. As he walked back to his workshop, the elf took a minute to gaze at the half finished Swan boat that lay in the dry dock. A few more weeks would see it to completion, just in time for the arrival of the departing elves.

There were quite a lot of elves coming this time. When word had come of their number Cirdan had been forced to enlarge the plans and build the ship much bigger. Fifteen at least were coming for Imladris alone, plus three from Ithilien and one from Lorien.

As it always did, the departure filled Cirdan with a kind of melancholy happiness. Happy, that so many were returning home, but sadness for the dwindling population of elves in Arda.

"You're thinking about Valinor again aren't you?" a voice at his elbow asked. Itarildë Eärfalas stood there, smiling up at him.

"Yes, and no." he said, "I was just thinking that we shouldn't be in such a flurry of haste to leave Middle Earth."

"Oh, Cirdan! You're so transparent at times. You don't want elves to leave because when the last boat leaves you will go with it." she looped her arm through his and squeezed it slightly. "You old diehard. _You_ don't want to leave Middle Earth."

Cirdan gave her a lopsided grin and said, "Right again, but I promised Mithrandir you know."

"Yes, you did. I can't help but think it was a bit rash of you." she answered. She tucked a strand of onyx hair behind her ear. Sauron, I thought… Well, it was rather foolish of me."

Itarildë shook her head, "Not foolish, hopeful." She smiled again, "But rash none the less."

"Have you never do something similar?" Cirdan said, "You choice to stay here was rash wasn't it?"

The elleth shook her head, "Now you can't corner me there Cirdan, and you know it. I made my decision after careful thought and council from my family. Besides, I have made it a point to never promise anything, because it always turns on you a moment later."

Cirdan listened half heartedly as she spoke, he was enjoying the emotions play across Itarildë's features. She wasn't exactly pretty, but she had a sweet contented expression that was lovely.

A gong boomed one ringing note that echoed all over the cove. Itarildë looked toward the house and said, "I'd better be off. I have supper detail tonight, and with the way those Ithilien elves eat! I'd better double everything!"

She slipped away and tripped lightly up the sandy path to the large stucco house. As she left, Cirdan sighed involuntarily. And felt the warmth of her touch fade. Itarildë was such a bright elleth, gentle, kind and in his opinion quite pretty. He found that he enjoyed her company more and more.

Even though they saw each other daily such confidential chats were few and far between. Besides, Cirdan was too busy to seek her out on purpose. And yet…he found himself doing just that, several times in fact.

The Shipwright shook himself a little and continued on to his workshop where he stowed his tools. He was too old to think of elleths, why he was nearly the oldest elf left in Middle Earth! There were times when Cirdan could hardly believe that it was almost five thousand years ago when he had first opened his eyes upon the world.

"Silly old fool." he muttered. Itarildë was barely more then twenty five hundred years old, young enough to be his daughter many times over. She would certainly never consider him as more then a father figure.

Not that he thought of her as more then a daughter, of course. When she had arrived over five hundred years ago she had chosen to stay behind when her parents and siblings had come on to Valinor. Cirdan never knew exactly why she had done it, but she had remained to this day.

A sudden clap of thunder announced a coming storm and the Shipwright bolted outside to cover the half finished ship with the heavy sail clothes. Cold drops of rain pelted down in furious haste and thoroughly soaked Cirdan before he finished with the sails. Then, instead of running for the house and shelter, he stood still.

The Shipwright lifted his face to the watery onslaught for a moment. He would have stayed out in the rain if the supper gong had not sounded a soggy note. Inside a roaring fire and the sound of clinking dishware meant dinner was in full swing. Cirdan changed out of his dripping tunic before he took his usual place at the head of the room.

A rowdy bunch of Ithilien elves were talking loudly in one corner while the quieter Mirkwood elves murmured across from them. Both groups had converged on the Havens a few months ago and they were a lively addition to the peaceful Haven population. The leader of the Mirkwood elves was a dark haired ellon named Eglerion.

He was hard working and jovial, but Cirdan found it hard to like him. The Haven Lord wasn't sure exactly what it was about this elf that he found so unlikable, everyone else in the Havens enjoyed his company. Perhaps that was it, everyone wanted to do whatever Eglerion was doing.

"Good evening Eglerion." Cirdan said as he passed. The dark elf nodded and lifted his glass in acknowledgment. One of his companions said something funny and Eglerion laughed heartily.

As Cirdan sat, Eglerion rose and rushed to help Itarildë who had just entered with a steaming tray. He relieved the elleth of her burden and went about the room serving so Itarildë could rest. Cirdan scowled into his cup at the delicate blush that colored Itarildë's cheeks, and the grateful glance she gave the young ellon. Why should she care so much for this noisy so and so?

"I declare we should have some music and dancing tonight!" Eglerion suddenly announced, "Does anyone know how to play a harp? I'm perfectly useless with one myself."

A laugh rippled around the room at this self-depreciating remark. A few elves volunteered and ran to fetch their instruments. They reappeared a few minutes later with a flute, a harp and a lute. They tuned their instruments and with a nod began playing a merry tune, the silver sound even drowning out of the pounding of the rain.

Watching from his table at the top of the room, Cirdan found himself smiling on the couples as they joined hands and danced. Soon they would be going to the Blessed Realm and all their cares would be ended, only this kind of joy remembered.

"Will you not dance Cirdan?" Itarildë asked. Her eyes shone bright with merriment and he hand was held out in a silent offer.

"I don't know. I haven't danced in…well, quite a long time." Cirdan shrugged.

"All the more reason to do so now!" she declared and taking his hand pulled him reluctantly to the dance floor. The other elves shouted and gave a few cat calls and whistles as the Lord of the Havens joined them.

"Just the thing Cirdan! Show them how it's done!" Someone called out.

Itarildë took his right hand in hers and rested her left on his shoulder. Almost shyly Cirdan pulled her closer as he out his hand around her waist. Trying not to blush the Shipwright swept the girl around the room with the other couples.

It felt good, comfortable to hold Itarildë near him as they followed the intricate steps of the dancers. Itarildë smiled happily and followed Cirdan's lead carefully. Everything faded as they danced and Cirdan didn't see anything but the glossy braids of the elleth and the felt only her soft form in his arms.

"Cutting in!" Eglerion sang out and neatly stepped between them and claiming Itarildë's hands. With a devilish grin Eglerion twirled her away; leaving Cirdan watching helplessly as Eglerion claimed a place he wished to fill.

Coming back to himself the Shipwright smiled and returned to his seat where he sat brooding. The dancing continued late into the night but Cirdan didn't join them again. He wasn't angry, he told himself. Itarildë could dance with whom ever she pleased.

Of course, it didn't bother him at all Cirdan told himself again. He told himself this as he read, while he worked and while he drew ship plans. He told himself this when he woke, and when he watched Itarildë serve breakfast to Eglerion. He told himself this as he welcomed the new arrivals to the Havens. But when Itarildë smiled at him across the table that night at dinner knew he was lying to himself.

He did care, very much.


	2. The Water Is Wide

**Reviewing Reponses: **First of all, thanks for your reviews! I always like feedback, it's awesome!

**Meg Ishiro** thanks you very much! I can just hear their voices in my mind as I write. It's like knowing a friend so well, you just know what they would say. Please continue sending feedback. I like knowing how I'm doing!

**Tenga** Well, the advise of another reviewer I looked up the information, and Arda is Middle Earth. The Undying Lands are not part of it. But thanks for caring enough to review.

**Snodgrass Winkle** Thanks for the help on the Arda Middle Earth thing. I already knew it though. As for slash? I don't know. I can't say I approve of it, but I know some authors who write slash and still have pretty good stories that aren't. As for Cirdan and Gil-galad…that's just wrong. Please keep reading.

**Chapter Two**

**0**

**The Water Is Wide**

0

_The water is wide I can not get o'er  
And neither have I wings to fly  
Give me a boat that will carry two  
And both shall row my love and I  
0_

Cirdan sat in his study reading a letter that had just arrived, it was from his foster grandson's in Rivendell.

_Dear Cirdan,_

_My greetings come to you with a bit of surprise, no doubt. I know you thought that Elladan and I would never leave Middle earth, but it is not so. Unbelievably, even to ourselves, we have grown weary of this house, which over the years has grow so empty. _

_I write this in warning that we will be going on the next ship and hopefully will arrive in three years time. We would come sooner but there are many things we need to attend to in Gondor before we final leave. You may understand, that thought of leaving Undomiel's children behind is more painful then any battle wound._

_You should come to Rivendell, at least once, before we leave. I know Father always wanted you too._

_Sincerely, lord Elrohir of Rivendell_

Cirdan folded the missive and tapped it gently against the desk as he considered the message. Elladan and Elrohir, finally leaving. It was a sad day when the liveliest twins ever born were 'weary' of anything. The twins sons of Elrond, perhaps it would be an interesting place to visit. Gil-Galad had always thought it such a fine place.

But even as he mused about the pros of going he discarded the idea. He could never be happy away from the sea, and certainly not if a ship was being built. As Cirdan thought along this rather selfish vein, two Rivendell eflings came hurtling into the room covered from head to toes in sand.

A gritty trail decorated their path as they rushed to him.

"Tirdan! Tirdan! The elleth yelled as she hurled herself into his arms.

"What is it Mara?" He asked. He brushed some of the golden grain off her nose and tickled her chin.

"I want to tell!" The ellon interrupted. "Cirdan, I want to tell you! Mara always does."

"But I dot here first!" his sister crowed and pulled a nasty face. She was rather surprised to find herself propelled into the corner of the room. Her little nose that had been so proudly lifted was stuck into a corner.

"Mara and Orophin! Shame on both of you!" Cirdan scolded. He escorted the ellon to the opposite corner and deposited him in a similar fashion. "Now, neither of you knocked, which you know you're supposed to do. And Mara you quite a hideous face at your brother, why you almost looked like an orc!"

"She does anyhow!" Orophin said rebelliously from his corner. Cirdan quickly bit back a laugh at the comment but he said, "That will be more then enough Orophin, I don't suppose you want laundry duty till you leave for Valinor?"

"No sir." Orophin said, his voice muffled now in the junction where two bookshelves met. Cirdan nodded at the sullen children and made his way back to his desk the sand crunching under his feet. Thankfully none of the children could see the smile lurking at the corners of his mouth. A hint of humor and the discipline would fly out of the window.

A few minutes ticked sluggishly by, and little gritty sounds issued from the corners as the elflings shifted. Cirdan busied himself with writing a letter in reply to Elrohir and pretended to have forgotten the siblings all together. A knock came at the door and a moment later Itarildë entered.

Seeing the children she started, "Oh! I'm sorry I didn't know you were busy."

"No, that's quite all right my dear. Please, come in." Cirdan beaconed the elleth into the room. "I was just dealing with a little…misunderstanding between these two delightful elflings."

"I see. And do you think they have duly repented?" Itarildë's eyes sparkled in amusement. Cirdan drummed his fingers on the desk and said, "well, I think that they may have. At least for today."

"Good, because I hear that Eglerion is planning a clam hunting party. He's seeking volunteers for it right now."

The children wriggled in desperation to be gone, but they knew to speak before they would told to go could be worse. But Cirdan was not hard hearted and he called them out of the corners and sent them on their ways. Itarildë surveyed the sandy floor and shook her head. "Interior decorating I see." she joked.

"Well, you know how I love the sea. I thought I should just bring it right into the house." He smiled at her laughter and gestured to the porch. "Shall we?"

"Certainly, but tell me. What do you want me for, and why be so mysterious about it?"

"I would hardly call it mysterious but you may think so if you wish." Cirdan answered. "I wanted to speak to you about Alassë."

Itarildë looked surprised, "Alassë? What..?"

"She wants to leave." Cirdan answered simply. "I spoke with her the other night and she confided that she wished to depart on the next vessel."

Itarildë exhaled a long breath, "I hardly know what to say! I thought she'd never leave!"

"That's kind." Cirdan replied dryly.

"No, I meant that she was so happy, and I never detected anything in her manner to indicate her desire to leave. I am so surprised!"

"So was I. But you can see where that puts me in a bit of a tight position. Alassë is the House mother and.."

"And you need someone to take her place. Oh please Cirdan, not me!" Itarildë pleaded.

"But why not? I think you would be a wonderful job." The shipwright encouraged. "I have the utmost faith in your amities Itarildë, the way you work with everyone so well is exactly suited to the position."

"But it isn't. I mean, I'm not." Itarildë shrugged a little. She picked at the peeling white paint on the railing and said, "You know that I am far too eager to please others. If I had to run the house, the house would rather run me then I it."

Cirdan quirked an eyebrow and said, "I'm afraid that I didn't quite get that."

"Cirdan!" she said. She pushed her braids behind her ear and moved away down the porch. "Please, pick someone else."

"If you wish it. But I warn you if I cannot find someone else willing then I will apoint you." he threatened.

"Then I'd just go to Valinor! And then where would you be Shipwright?" she stuck her nose in the air. Just then Eglerion appeared n the other end of the porch and called to the elleth.

"Coming!" she said. "I'll see you at supper tonight? You will have to tell me who you picked." and she ran lightly down the length of the porch and joined the black haired ellon.

"_Then where would you be Shipwright?"_

"Lost." the word broke from his lips before he realized what he had said. For a moment she looked back at him as if she had heard. An odd smile tugged at her lips but Eglerion called for her attention again and the look was lost.

Lost.

Cirdan turned away and studiously kept his gaze forward as he walked down to his workshop. He began craving the intricate designs into the Swan's face but the interview with Itarildë kept nagging at the back of his mind. Would she leave? She never wanted to before, why would she bring it up now?

But then again, Eglerion had never been around before. Perhaps she was falling in love with the dark elf, perhaps she would depart when he did. The ship was almost finished, it only need rigging and a few sea trails and she would be ready. Two weeks at most.

Cirdan lowered the craving tool and placed it on the bench. He studied the hand that had held it, it was unlined and strong. He clenched it into a fist and forced himself to leave the quiet little building. He didn't have to complete the work here today. He could wait a few days.

Lost…it was such a lonely word.


	3. Let The Rain Come Down

**Reviewer Responses , Thanks to all!**

**Snodgrass Winkle** No, thank god! I hate him, he's so ugly, with bulgy eyes and a fleshy face. Shudder! Thank you for your offer, I gladly take it up.

**I.H.N **Wow, that was a thorough review! Although the word charming seems to wound my pride a bit. As to the names I use, I have no idea if they belong to anyone else. I don't think I used Idril's name. I hope not because I don't like her, too posh. I know about the family names thing, but Eärfalas isn't a family name. It's is merely a second name, like Mary Sue! Well, maybe that wasn't the best example. And I love the idea of Cirdan being ancient! There's something so wonderfully…ancient about that. Thank you for reviewing my story!

**Tenga** I personally never found the Silmarillion hard to get through until I read the Turin chapter, man he sucks! As for the whole mix up over Arda and Middle Earth, not a problem. I am my own information goddess by the way! Thank you for apologizing it really impressed me. And if I see another Aragorn/Legolas torture fic I think I'm goin' to spit bullets….at the writers!

**Vana Tuivana**Wow! Thanks for the review oh great writer of poem without Feanorians! I have always loved Cirdan, and I decided if I ever wrote fan fiction it would be about the cool side characters who shouldn't have been side characters. I have found a Beta reader so don't worry about the grammar, it shouldn't be a problem anymore.

**Chapter Three**

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears  
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears

Cirdan was in his element.

With an army of willing elves at his call, he was seeing to the final preparation for the departing vessel. Rigging and sails were placed and the hold was begin loaded with the necessary supplies for the journey. Baggage was being sorted and bunks assigned.

"No! Eleyond, don't put that in the load!" Cirdan ran over and stopped the ellon from storing fresh fruit in the load. "If you do that you'll arrive in Valinor smelling like rotting apricots." the shipwright smiled.

The ellon blushed a painful red in his embarrassment. 'Thank you my lord." he said quietly. "I didn't know that it was…I mean…I"

"It's nothing Eleyond, just don't do it again." Cirdan replied calmly. He went to the railing and looked over the side to the dock where the Haven ellyth were busy weaving flower chains. Piles of sea oats and wild flowers were expertly woven together by the quick and eager hands of the young women.

"It's exciting isn't it Cirdan?" Itarildë asked, as she stepped passed him to the bridge. She fastened a bright nosegay to the steering wheel with a bit of twine.

"Yes, it always is. Now, don't go cluttering up the wheel with those weeds!" he said, gesturing at the flowers.

"They're not weeds Cirdan, they're beautiful flowers." Itarildë returned placidly. "besides, they happen to be Glorifindel's favorite, and as he is to captain the ship I thought it would be appropriate."

"Oh? So Eglerion won't be the captain?" Cirdan tried to ask casually.

"I'm sure I don't know." Itarildë answered, "I haven't seen him all day." She busied herself with the flowers, purposefully _not_ looking at the shipwright. Cirdan studied the back of Itarildë's head, her dark hair combed back and braided with a few tiny metal clasps.

Surely, if she was connected to Eglerion in some deep way she would be concerned with his departure. Then again, Cirdan mused, she could merely be avoiding the subject for his sake. Itarildë had always known what was and was not a touchy subject with him. She had never asked about his life during the first ages, and Gil-Galad's name had never crossed her lips except in song.

Her honesty and truthful spirit had been one of the things that had first caught his attention. Of course Cirdan had known hundreds of elves and Itarildë was not remarkable in any extreme way. But her simplicity of nature and understanding heart was refreshing.

She had said she hadn't seen Eglerion, so Cirdan believed her.

"My lord?" a familiar voice called to Cirdan. He turned and saw the ellon in question coming toward him. His handsome face was unusually drawn and white, as if something was weighting heavily on his mind.

"Yes, what is it?" Cirdan asked. Itarildë departed with an anxious look on her face that worried Cirdan even more then Eglerion's pallor.

"I need to speak with you alone." he answered. "As soon as possible, if you can."

"Certainly, come along. I think the rest of the are capable of caring for the ship on their own." Cirdan directed the ellon to follow him. They swung down onto the dock and began walking away down the sand covered walkway, that lead all along the rows of cottages. White, whip like clouds scuttled across the sky, and Cirdan mentally began to predict the weather for the next day.

Eglerion didn't speak and Cirdan bided his time until they were well out of earshot of the other elves. As they walked Eglerion kept throwing glances back at the ship and Itarildë as if he was worried they would overhear.

"Now, Eglerion tell me, what is on your mind?" the Shipwright finally inquired.

Eglerion drew a deep breath and said, "I would like your permission to remain here in the Havens, instead of leaving with the ship tomorrow." was his stunning statement.

Cirdan's throat constricted painfully, and he swallowed before saying, "You wish to remain behind?"

"I do. I can fulfill any job you can find for me here. I've done many types of work before and I know you always need help." He went on hurriedly, as if afraid that Cirdan would object before he had the chance to present his case.

Cirdan studied the ellon's face for a moment before asking. "Is there any other reason?" Cirdan asked. Eglerion looked back to the dock where the elves worked.

"Yes, yes there is." he whispered. "I want to be near Itarildë. I would like to try and win her heart and hand."

The words fell like icy hail between the shipwright and ellon. Cirdan felt frozen in place, unable to inhale or expel oxygen from his aching lungs. It was his worst fear, suddenly and horribly come to life. All coherent thought failed him as he stared back at the young elf before him.

"You see." Eglerion went on, "I couldn't court her from Valinor, and she has as much as told me that she isn't departing anytime soon. I don't want to ran the risk of losing her to another elf."

A gull swooped by screaming his high pitched wail and the sound seemed to bring Cirdan back to life as he said, "I see. Does…does Itarildë reciprocate your feelings?"

"I don't know." was Eglerion's answer, "I have tried to tell her how I feel, but she never allows me to speak. I think she thought she was robbing me of my chance to leave for Valinor if I pledged myself to her."

"I see." Cirdan repeated.

He was never sure afterward just what he had advised the elf to do. He gave his permission for Eglerion to stay and had wandered away to think. He walked on and on like a blind man, unsure of where he was going and not caring where he stopped. Evening fell and a brisk wind sprang up from the sea.

Along the cliffs he strode, deep in thought. "Oh Ulmo, how I would crave your counsel now." he thought longingly. But no answering voice sprang from the murmuring waves, and the sky was silent in starry splendor. He slowly turned his feet homeward, every step dragging and heavy.

Only a few lights still burned in the houses in the cove, far below him. The scene was almost magical in appearance, a summer mist lending an ethereal glow to every blue lantern. Below Itarildë lay sleeping, and not far from her, in a cottage, her would be lover. Cirdan asked himself fiercely, "And why should they not love each other? Why should I stand in their way? She deserves someone so young and devoted."

Cirdan looked down at his hands, suddenly seeing every scar and crease from the passages of ages. He clenched his fists and returned to the house. He was overdue to leave these shores and he should never have promised to wait.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The dock was bustling with elves and in some cases naughty elflings. The day had arrived ad the raft of new elves had brought confusion and chaos to the Havens. Cirdan stood in the prow and shouted instructions to his elves while trying to direct the newcomers to their places onboard ship.

In the midst of all this riotous commotion two elflings ran squealing with delight all over the unloaded baggage.

"Children, get below deck this minute!" Glorifindel's voice thundered over the heads of the elves blocking his access to his off spring. Ignoring their father, the little ones ran up the steps of the bridge and around the legs of their elders. They were being children and generally getting in everyone's way.

"Children!" Glorifindel hollered again. Cirdan looked from the tall yellow haired elf to his errant twins. Thinking quickly, the Shipwright swung onto the rigging and nimbly made his way to the elflings, dropping to the deck in time to swipe them up in his arms. The children squeaked with mingled fear and dismay at this sudden capture.

"No! Put us down!" Cerediron demanded. His tiny fists beating harmlessly against Cirdan's firm grip.

"We want to see the ship Sirdan!" Glanlotiel whined, fixing her big blue eyes on the Shipwright.

Giving them both a squeeze, Cirdan shook his head, "Not now, you'll have plenty of time for that later. Right now you have to do as your Ada says."

"But we have to sit and not do nothing! And that's no fun at all!" the tiny elleth said tossing her golden braids back out of her eyes.

Cirdan nodded his head sympathetically, "I know, but elflings must learn to be good and obedient to their parents."

"Even if it's boring?" Cerediron asked unhappily.

"Especially when it's boring. It's like a game. You have to see if you can obey even when the task is long and dull." Cirdan said convincingly. The twins looked at one another and seemed to mulled this strange new idea over in their heads.

"Aha! There you are!" Glorifindel exclaimed as Cirdan surrendered the twins to their father. "I though I'd never get hold of you two!"

"Ada, we're ready to do what you want." Cerediron said seriously, and his sister nodded in agreement.

"Oh! Oh, well. Then go sit quietly with your Amme, and wait till we're ready for departure." their shocked father instructed, "Don't run anymore today."

"Yes, Ada." they answered and linking their baby hands, the golden haired twins disappeared below deck. Glorifindel looked after them as if he had never seen them before.

"Whatever did you do to them?" he asked the Shipwright.

"It's an old trick I used on Gil-Galad, and the Peredhel twins a long time ago." Cirdan answered mysteriously. "It works every time. Whenever they begin to misbehave just causally drop something about 'the game.' That usually clears things right up. Cirdan smiled broadly at the ellon and returned to his directing.

All too soon it seemed that the ship was finally and fully complete. The elves stood and sat around the deck in little groups as they waited for Cirdan to give the go ahead. He stood looking down on them all, young and old alike. He took a deep breath and addressed them.

"Dear friends, the day has come for your final journey. For many of you this will be the first sight you have had of paradise. For others this will be a homecoming long looked for." he gaze fell on Glorifindel whose eyes gleamed with unshed tears.

"For those of you new to the Blessed realm, don't worry. You will be met by your family and friends. If you have any concerns during the voyage, remember to apply to Glorifindel, as he will be your captain." Cirdan swept the crowd and he went on. "If any of you wish to remain in Middle Earth for a time, speak now. There is no shame in remaining if you don't feel ready."

The elves shifted and glanced at each other wondering if any of them would change their minds. Word of Eglerion's decision had made the rounds and all his companions had been more then a trifle hurt. Finally, all the elves turned back to Cirdan and he smiled.

"Well. Then. Remember all our blessings go with you. Farewell and be joyous! You're going home!"

Cirdan's hearty shout ignited the flame in the elves and they shouted and cheered, crying with happiness. Cries of "Valinor bound!" and "Into the West!" rang all around the cove. Cirdan embraced Glorifindel before giving him command and their tears flowed freely and unashamedly, as the Teleri elf and the Nolder parted for the last time.

"We've seen a few strange and mighty things together haven't we?" Glorifindel smiled.

"Aye," Cirdan laid a hand on the wheel and said, "Take her home safely my friend."

"Like she was my own daughter." Glorifindel answered. A shriek from Glanlotiel sounded and they both looked back in time to see her hurl herself at her brother, fists flying.

"Well…perhaps a bit more gently then my own daughter." Glorifindel said and they both laughed.

Quickly the Haven elves cleared off the ship saying goodbye to the elves who had been their companions briefly. Itarildë took Cirdan's hand in hers as she stepped off the gangplank.

The board was pulled into the vessel and with a few deft movements the mooring ropes were cast away. The swanlike craft sliced through the water smoothly, meeting the small rise of waves with hardly any resistance. As if in loneliness the Haven elves cluttered together on the dock, watching as the ship passed through the promontories to the North and South.

The sky deepened to shades of lavender and blue as the sun sank to the horizon. When they ship was almost out of sight the sun seemed to frame it with golden light With a gentle quiver the vessel disappeared from their sight. A collective sigh broke from the Haven elves.

There was always that longing, at the last moment, a wish, that they had gone too. As twilight gathered the Haven elves returned to the great house. A quiet had settled over them, the absence of the departing elves making the cove seem too big and empty to be comfortable. For many of them the call to depart had not come, and yet they retired with the serious consideration that next time they would go.

It was always this way.

Cirdan and Itarildë walked back together, her hand still clasped in his. Eglerion didn't seem to be bothered by this. After hadn't she always looked up to the Teleri as a father figure? If Eglerion had known the true feelings that Cirdan had for the elleth, he would , perhaps, have wished he hadn't stayed.

But to Cirdan she was all but truly betrothed to Eglerion. And to Itarildë, nothing had really changed but the way Cirdan held her hand. He kept it close and tighter as if he was afraid to release it. But he didn't look at her, keeping his face turned away so all she could see was the silver fall of braids around his shoulders.


	4. A Question of Honor

**The Last Temptation of Homer**Because he's sooo jerky! And because he's so human. But I totally agree on the Fingon/Maedhros point. Icky!

**Elven Bunny and Butterfly Lion**I have decided that I also do not like slash. Thanks for the compliments, I always love them.

Sorry this up date took so darned long to write. My life has been busy!

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**Chapter Four**

_**I know when two men collide  
It's a question of honour  
**_

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Years following the departure of the vessel a kind of resigned laziness came over the elves of the Havens. In the rush of preparing everything for their companions the Haven elves had gone without sleep and proper meal times.

So it was only natural that they should slow down and take some time to rest and recuperate. The morning bell rang late, and the evening bell rang early and work was minimal. Those who cared to do more work and continue with the normal schedule did so with extra care not to disturb those who slept late.

Cirdan was not one of those who could sleep late. It made him feel extremely guilty to sleep when Eru went to so much trouble to make the morning beautiful. So he made his way to the workshop every morning and quietly worked on the details of his next ship. Weeks of refining the design were still to come and he was content to send every minute with his plans.

Well, not every minute.

Since Eglerion had asked his permission to court a certain young woman, Cirdan found multitudes of reasons to go back and forth between the shop and the house. At the strangest times he would appear and inquire after everyone's welfare, asking where Eglerion was? And where would Itarildë be sending her day?

It was sweet, the interest he took in the young couple, everyone said so. Not to his face, heavens no! The idea was unthinkable, to point out that Cirdan was a matchmaker when the very mention of the two brought a noticeable color to his face? But while he was gone, and when the maids hung laundry or worked the garden, it was quite the favorite topic.

Eglerion didn't think so.

It is doubtful if he would have said anything if Cirdan hadn't…well, you must judge for yourself.

It was a month after the departure of the ship and the cooks decided it was time to have a picnic. So tables were moved out into the garden and special lanterns strung upon cord all around. All in all the setting would prove to be very romantic which was what Eglerion was hoping for. If he had bribed the cooks, well, what of it?

Itarildë came out the door with a baby in her arms, the baby had hold of her braids was babbling away as they tugged on them. Itarildë laughed and bounced the baby up and down. Eglerion went up and guided her to a seat beside his before she knew what was going on.

"Look, Imrahil! Look at silly Eglerion!" she said. The baby giggled and reach out his little arms to the other elf.

"Oh! Look at these sticky little paws." Eglerion said, he pulled handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the chubby hands off while Itarildë held him still.

"I'm afraid I have honey in my hair from this sweet one." Itarildë said and nuzzled the baby's soft cheek.

"Sweet things seem to come together ." Eglerion said, "would you walk with me Itarildë?"

Her eyes met his, "Now? We haven't eaten yet and …"

He stilled her words with a finger against her lips, "Please? Just this one time?"

She looked down at the baby and he gurgled back and touched her lips with his little hand, "What do you think sweet one? Shall I go?"

The answer was a happy laugh and so she turned to Eglerion and said, "Very well, let me take this little tacter back to his Naneth and I'll come. Wait for me by the steps."

"I will, but hurry! Don't let any of the girls or Cirdan steal you away this time." Eglerion said, his eyes were shining and excitement had crept into his voice.

Itarildë skipped away looking over the crowd for the baby's parents. She was about to ask one of the younger elleth's to take him when Cirdan appeared at her side.

"What are you looking for Itarildë?" he said, "A place to sit?"

"No, not what. Who." she explained, "I was trying to return Imrahil to his Naneth and I can't seem to find her. Besides the fact that Eglerion is waiting for me on the beach and.."

"What? You haven't eaten yet." Cirdan pointed out.

Itarildë sighed and shrugged, "I really don't see why it matters, Eglerion didn't."

"Didn't what?"

Itarildë's went wide and she said, "I really have no idea what has gotten into everyone tonight. Here you take him and find his Naneth, I have to meet Eglerion."

As she moved away through the crowd Cirdan called, "Where will you be going?"

The elleth didn't bother to answer him. She was upset and was not sure why. A perfectly lovely evening was turning into a strange series of meetings, questionings and …whatever came next. She pushed her hair behind her ears and tripped lightly down the steps to where Eglerion was waiting for her.

"What kept you?" he asked. His tone was not unhappy but he seemed a bit put out. She looped her arm through his and they began walking away from where the rest of the haven's elves were eating.

"I couldn't find Imrahil's parent's and then I was questioned by Cirdan and…"

"What about?"

"Will someone let me finish a sentence tonight!" she wailed, "I was saying, Cirdan questioned where I was going and I just handed the baby so him and came after you."

"Oh. I'm sorry I wasn't trying to be rude." he apologized, "I was just wondering."

Itarildë stopped and said quietly, "Why do you care so much?"

Eglerion paused and looked deep into her eyes. Then he took his small hands in his own and said, 'Because I am falling in love with you dear. I want to know your thoughts and where you are so I can be with you. I want to know your joys and sorrows. I want to share mine with you. I want to marry you love."

All this time Itarildë stood listening and feeling the gentle pressure of his hands on her's. His words went straight to her heart and she felt rare tears gathering in her eyes blurring the world around her. The sound of their breathing was the only music to their moment for even the sea seemed to still at his declaration.

"Eglerion, are you asking me to bond with you?"

Eglerion nodded and tightened his grasp on her hands, 'Yes, Itarildë."

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Cirdan was bent over his sketch table a pencil between his lips and parchment of plans under his hands. Calculations were scribbled messily all over the sides and around the carefully drawn blue prints as the Shipwright made change after change to the original.

It was a matter of loving pride that each and every ship that Cirdan made was different in and of itself. Still each needed to bear the unmistakable mark of the Teleri. So a little was change here and little something added there, and over all he would change the plans entirely at least twice before settling down with the first draft he had drawn.

His designs were perfect and confident, he was 'born' with the innate ability to create beauty out of wood. And this was married to the same love of the ocean that made each boat he built like a creature of the sea itself.

There was a gentle rapping at the workshop door, but the Shipwright didn't hear it, he was so engrossed in his work. It came again, louder, still nothing. There was the sound of mild annoyance on the other side of the door and finally a literal pounding shook the door.

"Come in all ready!" Cirdan yelled the pencil muffling his words into, "Um ine all freddy!"

The door opened and Itarildë stood there looked distinctly cross, "Cirdan, I knocked twice before this! Didn't you..? Never mind I see you were busy." she walked into the room waving him back to his seat and taking one beside him.

Cirdan waited, she didn't say anything. He returned to his sketches wondering what had prompted this unusual visit, not of course, that is was unwelcome or unpleasant in anyway. Yet, there was something about the way Itarildë held her hands tightly together and the strained lines about her brow that assured him that in her case, all was not right with the world.

"So…will you tell me your trouble?" he said quietly, glancing at her over the desk.

"I want too." she said, she twisted her hands together again and laughed a little. "I just find myself feeling rather foolish about the whole thing."

"Do you my dear?" he asked.

"Very." she paused and seemed to hesitate whether or not she should go on. Finally she took a deep breath and said, "Eglerion asked me to marry him."

Itarildë watched as Cirdan not only jumped in surprise, but broke his pencil. "Don't move I'll get them." he said. Then he chased after the halves as they rolled around to opposite ends of the room.

Once he had gathered up the two errant pieces of wood and lead, he returned to his chair and began sharpening the ends. "At least I have two pencils now." he joked lamely. "Always make the best of a bad situation."

"I…" Itarildë began.

"What do you think of my new plans for the vessel? I thought that I would change the amount of rooms we put in the bow."

"Cirdan, I..."

"Because they really do take a lot of room up where we could store baggage and…"

"Cirdan, please! Stop avoiding the subject, please. I need your council." she said desperately. "I don't know what I should do."

Cirdan sighed, "I'm sorry my dear, but your news was…more then I expected. Please, tell me your trouble."

Itarildë searched his face a minute before saying, "Are you sure you want too? Honestly Cirdan?"

He smiled, "Honestly? I have no wish to hear how you're getting married. But I will listen because I care for you and we are friends are we not?"

Itarildë laughed nervously, and said, "For heaven's sake! All right then, since you don't seem to notice, I have been courted by a certain elf for the past year and a half. He has now asked me to marry him and depart on the next vessel for Valinor. I want you to tell me what I should say."

"I can't." Cirdan said, "I simply cannot do that."

"Why ever not? My parents trusted me to your care, I am sure they would want me to consult you before I would make such a decision. Have you even noticed it?"

"Of course I have." Cirdan answered. "I'm not oblivious Itarildë, Eglerion asked for my permission before he began courting you."

Her eyes grew wide and she said, "He did? You mean you didn't care? You never even asked me? How could you?" The rebuke in her eyes was painful to the Shipwright but he shoved the feeling away. He had to think clearly for both of them.

"I decided that you were old enough to decide the matter for yourself. It isn't my place to interfere, Itarildë." Cirdan's voice was more harsh then he would have liked but he couldn't see his way through any other way.

She stood, her lovely face white and lips trembling, "Then…then you don't care? It wouldn't bother you if I married and left the Havens?"

"If that is your wish, you are free to make it as any other elf." He answered. 'I would never stand in your way."

"I see." she lifted tear filled eyes to him, but her voice was calm and even. "Very well." She smoothed her skirt and went to the door. "Then Cirdan, I make ready to depart. When the next vessel leaves these shores, I shall be on it. But Cirdan know this, I do not make this choice of my own free will, but because you do not care." her voice was empty, hallow.

She opened the door and left, a brief stirring of wind fluttering the papers under his hands.

He almost went after her. He almost took her in his arms and begged her to stay, not to marry Eglerion, and stay with him. He almost confessed his love for her, risking her rejection, he almost…

Almost is not enough.


	5. Foolish

**Sarahbarr17**Thank you so much! You have paid me an enormous complement. It makes me feel good to know that I'm doing what I set out to do. Please keep reading and let me know what you think.

**SongMaster**You must keep reading it to find out what happens then. A review wouldn't hurt either.

**Elerrina Taure**Your review made me feel all warm and glowy inside. I so rarely get any reviews on this story that such an encouraging one has me in euphoria. I wanted to write this for the very reason that I love the side characters more then the main characters. Besides, the world is choking on Legoromances. Please keep reading!

_**Chapter Five**_

_In your eyes are my secrets, that I've never shown you_

_In my heart I feel I've always known you._

If the twin sons of Elrond Peredhel had not arrived at the havens in the next month, the division between Cirdan and Itarildë would certainly been noticed.

Yet the arrival of such noble guests pushed away the notice of strained silences and cold encounters that would normally stir up rumors. Cirdan never sought out the elleth and she only came to him on purely business matters.

Itarildë was more successful in disguising her true feelings to the elves around her. She wore the mask of seeming happiness along with a silver betrothal band on her finger. But in the midst of all the gaiety surrounding an engagement, she was sometimes seen to be sitting alone, pensive and solemn.

Cirdan, well, no one noticed the lines around his eyes. The tension that was reflected in his stance became part of him so that it was never remarked upon. Besides, the Shipwright was far too busy with his guest to be worried over the engagement. Now, neither he nor Itarildë had anyone to confide in and so the pain began to eat away at their hearts.

But was stated before, all this was glossed over when the lords of Imladris moved into the Havens. They were immediately loved and quite popular for their manners were free and easy after centuries of acquaintances from all races.

Lord Elrohir was said to be very like his dear father, his words and actions. Over time the ellon had found the same delight in books and lore that his father had loved so well. All the scholars then living in the Havens were more then glad to have such a Lore Master among them. It became quite common for the Lord to be found surrounded by any number of scholars recounting tales of the ancient and recent past.

On the other hand Lord Elladan made a perfect companion for those elves who had made their career in Galadhrim or Mirkwood guard. He spent hours teaching teahouse and method to the archers and swordsmen. Long tales of his own years among the Dúnedain were told over fires. And being gifted with music, Elladan sang the songs of the Edain.

Itarildë found that she did not care for the music of the Edain. They too often spoke of lost love and death. One she did not understand at all, but the other she was uncomfortably aware of. Still she always stayed and listened to the mournful sound as Lord Elladan's voice rose and fell through each ballad.

_Her yellow hair in ringlets fell,_

_Her shoes were elvish leather O_

_Her Bonnet with blue ribbons tied,_

_Her scarlet cap and feather O_

_Like Varda bright she did appear_

_That charming blue eyed lassie O_

"You know," Cirdan confided to Elrohir, "This is a splendid chance for some of our people to learn more of men. Some of these elves have rarely even seen the Edain before. You must know that your presence is a great opportunity for some of them to become versed in human history."

Elrohir nodded a mirror image of his father, "My parents always believed that all races histories were important to ours. From our youth we studied the Edain ways of life. Sometimes the governments changed so swiftly we could hardly keep track of them."

Cirdan smiled, "When your father was with me he was always expounding upon the affairs of men. After you uncle Elros' choice he became even more concerned with the keeping of men's memories."

"To remember him by." Elrohir said, he bowed his head, I found myself doing the same thing when Estel and Arwen passed away. I felt a desperation to keep their memories alive even if they were not."

Cirdan sighed and scanned the elves gathered around the great hall, "The more I live Elrohir the more I find myself clinging to the past. It's a dangerous thing too. I forget to embrace the beauty of the present, in fear of the pain that it's loss could bring."

As he said this Cirdan's eyes unconsciously wandered to where Itarildë sat listening to Elladan's song. Elrohir noticed the flash of regret in the shipwright's eyes and the slight change in tone that bespoke a certain sadness. Elrohir found himself considering the dark haired elleth and wondering what was the cause of this change in Cirdan could have to do with her.

Elrohir cleared his throat and said, "My sister once said that she would rather know the sweetness of love for a moment then to spent eternity alone."

'Your sister." Cirdan stated, "Your sister, was a noble woman and a gracious queen."

Yet even as he said it the shipwright was trying to block out the words that Elrohir had said. There was a terrible ring to the words 'eternity' and 'alone.'

Yes," Elrohir grew silent and Cirdan withdrew knowing the Peredhel's needs to be alone with his thoughts. Elrond had been the same way. Cirdan exited the great hall and ran straight into Itarildë who was just returning into the room.

"Cirdan!'

'Itarildë!"

"I…"

"You…"

"Excuse me." they said in unison. Itarildë gave a nervous little laugh and looked away saying, 'I'm sorry, I didn't se you coming."

"That's quite alright. I found my thoughts straying as well." the shipwright answered. They stood there in the doorway, each wanting to speak, knowing they could not. But each one unwilling to leave without some word, some sigh.

Cirdan looked down on the elleth, her eyes studiously turned away, her fingers clasped together in tension.

"You look so tired." he finally said.

"Do I? I have been very busy of later." she smiled mirthlessly, "Packing."

"Itarildë, I wanted to speak to you about that…" Cirdan began.

She shook her head, "I don't think there's anything more to discuss Cirdan.'

Cirdan assumed his lordly air and said, "I believe there is. We cannot not…at least _I_ cannot to myself about this situation anymore."

She looked up into his face, his dear familiar features creased in worry. It was in her heart to say that yes, she felt so too. She wanted to tear down the wall between them. She wanted to confide in her dear friend that this recent alienation of their companionship had been the most painful experience in her life.

But the cool weight of Eglerion's ring on her finger reminded her of her promise to him. Another weight settled on her heart as she said, "I have made my choice Cirdan." and her voice broke over the words and she struggled with the tears that rose, unbidden to her eyes.

He took her hands in his a moment, feeling the soft pressure as if for the first time, "Then I am sorry." he whispered, "Please, forgive my foolishness."

His words seemed simple, but it spoke of many more things then the casual observer might think. It was asking a pardon for not speaking before Eglerion, for not seeking her heart sooner, for not allowing his heart to be seen fully.

She squeezed his hands tightly and said, "Not foolish Cirdan, just…just hopeful." she pulled her hands from his and disappeared into the great hall again.

Cirdan stood for a long time after she left him. He stared down upon his hand where her's had been. He slowly, so slowly closed his fingers against the palms and silently tears fell for the first time in centuries. Freely and sorrowfully.

The Shipwright wept in the shadow of his Havens once again realizing the loss of someone he loved more then anything.

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_**Note: **Sorry if this chapter is a little shorter then usual. The next will be longer._


	6. All things are gonna happen naturally…

**Lady Anck-su-namun**Thank you so much! It always thrills me when someone is touched by my stories. Please keep reading.

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**Chapter Five **

_Was you who spoke the words that things would happen, but not to me? All things are gonna happen naturally…_

Elladan and Elrohir quickly began part of the Havens. One might has thought that two Lords so used to being in control over their own land would have balked at being under the authority of another. But with the sons of Elrond it wasn't so. Indeed, if the twins had been raised in the Havens all their lives they would not have been a better fit among the people.

They decided to take up the simple grey tunic the other ellons of the Havens wore. Instead of the princely robes they were allowed due to their position they choose to be in amongst the people in everyway. Everything they turned their hands to seemed to blossom. In weeks they had mastered the art of sailing around the bay and the surrounding sea. Much to the disgust of some they also gained the approving eye of many of the pretty elleths in the Havens.

It would be a lie to say that everyone loved them, but they weren't mean men. They just naturally gained love from the elves around them as they went.

Elladan made friends with Eglerion's having met him some decades before while in Ithilien. Although it surprised Elladan to learn that his companion was to be married.

"Really?" Elladan asked, "To whom?"

"What do you mean to whom?" Eglerion tossed back. They were sailing around the bay with a load of boys on a fishing trip, "You were talking to her last night…you know after night."

"But I only…" Elladan trailed off and thought of the elleth he had spoken to. She was the one with the sad eyes and hair the color of black pearls. He had noticed the ring on her finger but he had thought it was for a lost love. Certainly her eyes didn't glow with that light that betrothed couple only shared.

"Elladan? Are you awake?" Eglerion teased. But there was a note of curiosity in his voice.

Elladan smiled, "Nothing, I'm just forgetful. Father sometimes was. It's because of my human heritage you know."

"Oh?" Eglerion asked in a tone that indicted that he didn't care at all.

"How long have you and …uh..."

"Itarildë." Eglerion rolled his eyes, "You are forgetful. Honestly, Elladan. And it's been a year and a half at least."

"Was she betrothed before?" Elladan asked tactlessly.

"Why would you say that?" Eglerion asked sharply.

But before Elladan could make another mistake, a bundle of rope dropped onto his head from the sails above. A moment later Elrohir swung down from the rigging and began to help Eglerion dig his brother out of the tangled mass.

"Sorry," Elrohir apologized, but he didn't sound quite sincere, "I didn't see you there brother. Here, let me soak your head for you."

"No, that's alright," said Elladan, not taking the hint, "I'll be alright in a moment."

"No, I'm sure you more seriously hunt then that." Elrohir gave his brother a suggestive look, "So, you'd better come and soak your head."

"Oh," Elladan answered, he lanced at Eglerion, "Oh, right. Yes…ouch, yes my head is smarting something evil. Good idea brother."

And Elrohir all but dragged his twin away from the Ithilien elf who was bursting with questions. Cirdan, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, now pretended that he had no idea what was going on as he wandered by a thoughtful Eglerion. The Ithilien elf was working the roping back into a neat bundle, but his hands moved slowly and it was easy to see he was wrapped up in his thoughts.

At the bow of the ship Elrohir was practically drowning his brother with salt water as he berated him for being such a tactless jackass.

"How was I supposed to know that they were betrothed?" Elladan said.

"Because he had said so!" Elrohir returned, "You should have at least pretended that nothing was wrong. Honestly, telling him that you thought she'd been betrothed. What is he supposed to think?"

"But she don't behave like a bound elleth, she doesn't even look like one." Elladan said dosing his head in fresh water, "You know she doesn't."

Elrohir rolled his eyes in eerie imitation of his father, "Yes, Elladan. I've noticed, I'm sure the whole Havens have noticed that. But Eglerion hasn't. You may have…well, I suppose in the end it might be for the best." Elrohir fell into what Elladan called his 'philosopher mode,' and wandered away.

Elladan shook the water from his braids and moved back to where Eglerion finished putting the rope onto the provided spooks.

"Uh…I'm sorry if I misspoke earlier I…"

"Never mind," Eglerion said shortly, "It doesn't matter."

And that, it would seem, was all the other elf would say about it. But it would be wrong to say that Eglerion discounted what the Prince of Rivendell had said. No, in fact he began to think deeply upon it and watch his beloved with Elladan's words in mind.

"I must confess I was surprised to get your letter," said Caladhiel. She yawned and leant back in her deck chair. Itarildë andCaladhiel were relaxing on the porch of the main house and at Caladhiel's comment Itarildë blushed red.

"Why? Can't I marry whom I like?" she asked.

"Certainly, and Eglerion is defiantly one whom to like. I've rarely seen as handsome an ellon as he." Caladhiel answered, "But I didn't think you would marry a wood elf."

Itarildë didn't answer. She and her friend had been weaving the last of the summer straw into sun hats for the children. Although the straw cut their fingers they enjoin the work well enough. Itarildë had removed her engagement ring to work faster. Caladhiel picked it up and watched the light sparkle off the many facets of the stone.

"If I were you I won't ever take this off. Why, you might lose it in the sand."

"I'm sure I would never be so careless." Itarildë answered. Yet, she couldn't help but smile at her friend. Caladhiel was her only friend remaining in Middle Earth and ever now she was planning on sailing with the next ship.

"I wonder when that stuffy old shipwright will finish the ship. I can't imagine that it could take so long to build a simple boat." Caladhiel said next.

"It actually takes a great deal of care and thought. You should see the hours of care and work that Cirdan pours into each and every vessel. I can tell you that not one ship that sails for Valinor without his stamp of approval. Each one is made differently and with a great deal of care." Itarildë said.

"Fine. Forget I asked!" Caladhiel held up both hands in mock protest. "I think that you should marry Cirdan instead of Eglerion then you could boast about the ships without everyone thinking you're strange."

"Don't be silly." Itarildë said, "Cirdan is …is he too great and good to think of in that silly way. I won't have you mocking him Caladhiel."

She turned away with a blush on her cheeks. Caladhiel subsided, but tucked away a little mental note that Cirdan would bring a blush to her friends face, but not her betrothed.

"Curiouser and Curiouser." Caladhiel mused.

"What did you say?" Itarildë said.

"Nothing," Caladhiel answered, she brushed some straw off her lap, "Just something about true love not being hidden.

And Itarildë blushed even more.


	7. Never How It Should Be

**Declaimer: **I own nothing but my quill and parchment.

**Chapter Seven**

_Ooh darling_

_The darkness comes and the darkness goes_

_Happiness ain't what you think it should be_

_so_

Itarildë had never been of great concern to Cirdan during the first several years that she lived within the halls of the great house of the Havens. He had always noted her presence with a kind of vague acknowledgement that there went _another_ elleth. She was quiet whenever he saw her and as far as he knew performed her duties well.

But sometime ago, what was it? Forty years? Fifty? He really couldn't remember when, he had come across her quite unexpectedly in the garden and all she was wearing was a few sheets.

As if had happened the little girls had asked one of the 'big' elleths to join in their play and Itarildë, not being the serious, quiet elf Cirdan supposed, had agreed. What they had wanted to play was something to do with the Valar and each one had chosen the Valar or Valier that they liked best. One red haired girl had braided her hair and looped it under her chin as a beard and was presumably Tulkas.

And another was wearing a great mass of flowers and wreaths and plants and was pretending to be Yavanna. But the figure that first met Cirdan's eyes was the tall, slender figure of Itarildë wearing a bunch of white sheets as a gown. She was Varda, Lady of the stars and she was really beautiful.

Her hair was all free of braids and the wind blew it around her shoulders, face and into her month a little. She was laughing and swished her bed sheet cape with an almost queenly air. Her shoulders were, thankfully Cirdan thought at the time, the only thing that was bare. They were dancing around the garden and each was saying how they would make the world as Illuvatar had directed and what a world it would be. Cirdan was wondering why he never noticed Itarildë before this when the pretty tableau ended.

He might have made a noise, he was never sure afterward, but they were all laughing and having a good time when they suddenly noticed he was standing there. But all at once the little girls shrieked and dove for cover to quickly remove their make shift costumes. Scattering like frightened rabbits they had disappeared leaving 'Lady Varda' alone and blushing bright red.

"I am sorry if I disturbed you." he said, hastily averting his eyes.

"Not at all," she had answered, suddenly brave, "Come my fellow Valier and Valar, for here is Ulmo, Lord of waters! Perhaps he has come to join us?"

"Oh…no, I…"

But she had taken his hand gently and pulled him into the circle of the garden where they had been playing. He had allowed her to pull him there and a moment later the little children had gathered round him paying their respects to him as the Valar lord.

Cirdan was never a stranger to children's games. After all he had raised three children himself, but that was nearing four thousand years ago and whether he knew it or not he was quite rusty.

Before he knew what was going on he was crowned by a circlet of sea oats and playing Valar with the children as he hadn't done in years. They ran down to the beach, Cirdan with 'Varda' on his arm and built realms in the sand, paying each other diplomatic visits and having feasts of sand in sea shells.

The children later said that they never knew that Cirdan could be so much fun and to tell the truth he didn't either. All the while Itarildë had watched him playing with the children. She had never seen him so gay and carefree, his hair was quite tumbled down from its braids and for a moment she wondered if he had been handsome when he was very young.

She didn't know that he was watching her as well. Her stick-sword fights with Tulkas and Lorien were noted even if it was for her poor fighting skill

They had brought dinner down onto the beach that night and had a grand feast of fish, clams, fruit, and fresh summer vegetables. The children all fought to sit with the Haven's lord and Varda, who was still wearing the bed sheets. They were all sticky and dirty, with wild hair and sandy clothes when the sun finally set and they built a big fire on the shore and roasted corn in the husks.

Near midnight Cirdan and Itarildë woke the children and moved them or carried them into the house in sleepy bunches. They both left the children's hall together and stood for a moment enjoying the bright, white light that bathed the Havens. The moon was round and hung like a giant sea medallion.

"We've had a wonderful day Cirdan, thank you for joining us." she had said removing her faded flower crown. She had called him by his given name as though she had always done so and strangely enough it pleased him.

"Thank you for pulling me into it," he said graciously, "although I got nothing done today."

She looked at him, her eyes dancing with merriment, "Oh you think so do you? Well, then I see that your idea of work and mine is quite different. But believe me when I say that you did more work for the Havens today then you have done since I came."

"You're very bold young woman," Cirdan had said, but he wasn't really angry and he couldn't think why, "I shall have to make sure that you don't go parading around in bed sheets anymore. It is not proper garb for the havens."

She laughed and swirled her slightly stained makeshift skirt and said, "I suppose it is not."

Then she move close to him, so close he could smell the scent of her hair and she reached up and lifted the sea oat coronet from his head, 'Neither is this my Lord, " she placed it in his hands and tripped away toward her own room, "Good night Cirdan!" she called.

"Good night!" he called out, and all at once felt rather foolish. He had gone into his study and rifled through his papers and plans, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember what it was that he had intended to do that day.

He had then picked the last of the sea oats out of his hair and looked at the silly crown in slight scorn for being so childish. But he kept it.

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Time went by and Itarildë was more in evidence then he had ever noticed before. She left things in his study, bits of poems and writings of her own, flowers and shells and little curios from Eru knew where.

He liked them and kept them and fairly soon he liked her company which she began to keep with him. It was not clear when she first started coming to visit with him, but she did.

"How is it that you have remained so long in Arda without leaving with your kindred?" she asked. She was folded up on a low chair on the beach and he stood next to her watching as she knocked the sand out of her sandals.

"Well, you see I did not have any kindred of my own." He said. He squatted down till he was on her level and watched her expression change at this bit of information, "I have always had many companions and so I never felt the loss of one."

"I suppose that is what makes you more solemn around the children," she said, slipping her sandals on again, "They're often too awed by you to get close you know? They want too."

"Itarildë I will never quite understand why you take it upon yourself to tell me these things, 'Cirdan said reaching over and fastening a stubborn buckle on the sandal.

"And I will never know why no one has done so before. Even you make mistakes Shipwright," she said, she tucked her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, looking at him plainly.

"You tend to tread the line between being blunt and rude," Cirdan replied smoothly, "But I suppose, as you say, I deserve it. I might wonder at you're decision to stay. You have a family that loves you dearly and you remained. That I find hard to understand."

She drew a little away from him and her eyes dropped from his, "It was a choice that I did not make lightly you know. It was very hard watching them leave; I almost changed my mind and went with them."

"But?" he asked prodding.

"_But,_ I decided that I was needed here for a time and like you, I wasn't ready to leave Middle Earth yet," Itarildë smiled then, "I was afraid of what leaving meant."

Cirdan stirred and sat down by her side. She was looking over the sea, and her voice had dropped at this last admission. He reached out and brushed her hair away from her eyes a bit. She looked at him, fear lurking near the corners of her eyes.

"Have…have you ever thought of how horrible it would be if you reached Valinor and it was nothing like Middle earth?" she asked.

Cirdan considered her young, eager face a moment. Her eyes were dark enough to see the reflection of the clouds that scattered in the sky behind him. And then deep inside of him he felt an odd tug, a pull of that familiar ache. The fear of being alone in a strange land without anything he knew around him.

"I have considered it my dear," he said finally, "But you must know that Valinor is the perfect land, and Arda, is Arda marred. What we see and love here, the sea, the mountains and valleys will only be made greater and better. They will be seen in such a beauty that we cannot even understand here. We will see the world as Illuvatar intended that we should. Not the land that was disfigured by Morgoth."

Cirdan was not aware of it, but Itarildë watched as his familiar face became once more the young and youthful Cirdan that had first woke on the shores of the new born world. His eyes, blue as the sea, were shining and his voice was rich and full as he decided a world as if it lay just within hands reach. He was suddenly more then just her guardian and companion

Itarildë always remembered afterward that it was at that moment that she felt more then friendly feeling for the shipwright. She couldn't help, but see that noble Ocean Lord in his face ever afterward.

"And my dear, your family will be waiting for you when the time for your crossing comes. There cane be no hardship in leaving if you are coming into the arms of your loved ones." He finished and stroked her hand kindly, "So, do not feel badly about your fears, everyone has them to a greater or lesser degree."

"And you? To what level do you have them Cirdan?" Itarildë asked.

"Cirdan stood and smiled down at her, "But my dear," he said, "I am still here am I not?"

But before she could answer he had strode off down the beach toward the dock. His walk was easy and rolling as the walk of all sailors' is. His long hair braided away from his face, the sharp features at once so familiar and now, suddenly strange.

Perhaps it was a conscious decision that she made, maybe she would have done so anyway, but she never spoke again about leaving. It wasn't fear any more, but the thought that at present there was no need to go. After all, Cirdan was there and he would help her no matter what the trouble was, of that she had no doubt.

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When the time came Cirdan hated himself for doing it, he knew too well the pain it would cause.

But Eglerion had asked him to come, and so he did. It was very late at night, and the moon was hidden behind heavy storm clouds that growled like discontented lions. The air was dead calm and humid making the tunic Cirdan wore cling to his back.

Eglerion was pacing at the end of the dock, as restless as the storm that drew nearer and nearer from the East. The clouds cast everything under it in a weird blue light and breathed foreboding. The weather did not seem to worry the wood elf for they are raised among trees when the storm is lashing the evil out of every branch and limb.

He looked up as Cirdan came to him and he stared into Cirdan's eyes, deeply searching. Eglerion didn't have to say anything, Cirdan understood what he was searching for. The time for concealment was over. The Shipwright didn't move away or turn his eyes from this scrutiny, it was a test and he had nothing to hide. With a deep grunt of disgust Eglerion turned away.

"I should have known_. I should have known_." He said. Eglerion turned to the shipwright, 'You should have told me Shipwright."

"There was nothing to tell you Eglerion," Cirdan said, "I was not fully sensible of it at the time."

Eglerion ran a hand through his dark hair and said, "All of these months I have poured everything I have into loving her and now I realize it was all for nothing."

"I am sorry …" Cirdan began, but Eglerion whirled and cut him off sharply.

"Don't say that," he was breathing heavily and as if in answer the sky rumbled with thunder, "Don't _you_ say that. It is not the love one gives a friend or a brother that I want from her." His eyes grew hard, 'You of all people should know that."

The air crackled with electricity of the storm and the wind began to blow around them. Cirdan held out his hands and said, "What was I to do? You loved her and I saw it. I watched everyday as you courted her, winning her affections. I never spoke my heart to her because I never wanted to feel her rejection."

"You are a coward then," Eglerion spat, "An honorable man would have been truthful. But not you. Lordly Guardian of the Havens, Shipwright of the Valar, not you. I suppose that you thought it would be so simple to come in when you wanted and take her away."

Something in Cirdan snapped and Eglerion found himself thrown against the side of the ship and Cirdan holding him up just off the ground. Fire burned in Cirdan's eyes and Eglerion felt that the Shipwright was holding back even as he grated out his words.

"You over step yourself boy. Do you think I made that decision with any ease? I weighed the cost and I let her decide for herself. If you had wed her and left I would never have spoken a word against you. I lost my chance with her and had you said nothing to me then you would never have known."

"Yet she fades before my eyes and I can do nothing to stop it," Eglerion replied, "You cannot pretend not to have played a part in that."

"I have done nothing," Cirdan replied, "She told me of her choice and I have left her to you. Do you think it was an simple choice to watch her in your embrace? You are very young and you know nothing of ages of pain and loss. You have not seen your loved one's torn away from you again and again despite everything you did to protect them. And even though I knew that releasing her to you would be another weight to add to that I let her go so you would not know that same pain."

Then was Cirdan released him and Eglerion felt the world stop spinning as he watched the fire receding in Cirdan's eyes. All at once the Shipwright looked old and tired and he was breathing heavily, the air seeming to make each breath difficult. The wind began to howl around them, flinging sand and rain into Eglerion's eyes.

" I will go if you ask it of me," Cirdan said, "Till you are ready to depart for Valinor I will leave the Havens."

"Then go, and have welcome. Perhaps then she will be free of you." Eglerion said and without another word he strode away through the rain and storm.

Cirdan stayed out in the storm the entire night as the fury of the storm spent itself on the shores of the Havens the Shipwright wrestled with himself. All the agony of the coming parting was opening all the wounds of centuries. When dawn came the Shipwright was nowhere to be found and only a note was left telling them he had gone away for a time.

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**Daeomae**I hope you like this chapter as well. it's quite a bit different then I usually write but I hope you enjoy it just the same. Thanks for reviewing!

**Lady Anck-su-namun**Thank you so much! I try to keep it different from the norm. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.


	8. Suspicions and Conversations

**Chapter Eight**

**Suspicions and Conversations**

The next morning Itarildë was up early making breakfast and helping the littlest children to dress and bathe. The morning was bright and almost painfully beautiful as it was often after the advent of such a fierce storm. The children were all wiggling and laughing that morning because the shore would be littered with a wealth of new treasure that the children enjoyed collecting.

"Now hold still while I tie your sandal Táriel!" Itarildë said tickling the elleth a little.

"But Dothan said he was going to go off without me and everyone knows that he always find the most beautifulest things!" Táriel answered.

Itarildë finished tying the sandal and quickly grabbed and tied the girl's sash in a few daft movements, "You like Dothan don't you?"

"Yes, I do," Táriel answered seriously, "I am going to marry him when I grow up."

Shocked at the surety in the child's voice Itarildë looked at the little girl again. Táriel's large green eyes stared back and a tiny smile traced it way across her face.

"Are you going to marry too?" she whispered.

"How do you know Táriel? About you and Dothan?" Itarildë asked not thinking of how silly it may be to question a mere child such a question.

"When I first saw him I knew. You see everyone knows when they love someone the first time they see them, time only shows them that what they first thought was right. May I go a out and play now?"

"Yes, you may. Thank you Táriel." and Itarildë watched as the child ran out to the sunlight of the new day.

"Imagine that, she's a seer!" Itarildë suddenly laughed, "I wonder what Cirdan will say when I tell him!"

She gathered her skirt into her hands and slipped off her sandals and ran across the sandy path and court yard into the house. The door was wide open and she nearly slammed into Eglerion as he was leaving. He quickly grabbed her by the shoulders and a little against him smiling a good morning.

"Oh, Eglerion I'm sorry," she said, "How handsome you look this morning, is Cirdan around yet?"

The happiness that had first flew into Eglerion's eyes at her initial greeting faded at her last words and he said, "No, I haven't seen him."

"Well, he's probably still in his study or out on the shore seeing to the effects of the storm. But guess what Táriel said to me this morning?"

'Táriel? The little girl with frizzy braids?" Eglerion asked.

"No, she about so high and with large green eyes?" Itarildë put her hand in the high where Táriel's head would come, "I think she's a Seer! That is why I need to go to Cirdan so he can see about it."

Eglerion held up his hands "I have no idea where he is Itarildë please. Why don't we go and have breakfast and then you can harasses people about little girls that are Seers."

"Eglerion? This is very important, if she is a Seer she may be the first one in over five hundred years! That could mean that Arda is healing. Think of how much it would mean to Cirdan." Itarildë said glancing around the breakfast room for the Haven's lord.

"Yes, yes. I see. Then we'll go and tell him as soon as the morning meal is over." Eglerion sighed and slipped an arm around Itarildë's waist, "Tell me all about it."

So she did but all through the conversation her eyes moved to the door watching for the shipwright. When he failed to appear, Itarildë looked annoyed, but when Findecáno who was the next in authority to Cirdan stood to speak she began to worry.

With a little dry cough the scribe unfolded a small missive in his thin white fingers.

Itarildë sat in amazement as Findecáno, the Havens scribe, read the note that Cirdan had left. Her mouth was open a bit and her hands lay limply in her lap as she stared at the scribe. Findecáno, a stodgy elf of the finest degree, took a level of pleasure from the peoples' shocked expressions.

"I do not know how long I will be away, but while I am Lord Elladan will see to the completion of the Swan boat. The departure for Valinor will not be held back because of my absence." Findecáno folded the note and could barely repress a smile of grim satisfaction.

Elladan stood as the scribe took his seat and everyone turned to look at the Prince as if he would say the word and the Shipwright would be back.

"Good morning everyone," he said and then laughed a bit holding his hands up as if in supplication, "I must confess myself as shocked as the rest of you. But if the Shipwright saw fit to leave the Havens then I trust he has a very good reason for it. We will continue on as we have been doing, the work crews will go on as if nothing had happened. I will try and be as good to you as Cirdan is.

No one said anything for a moment and then Elladan dismissed them. Chatter grew as the men and women went about their usual duties, but Itarildë moved through them to where Elladan and Elrohir were speaking in low tones. Elladan was pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance while reading Cirdan's note over again.

Elrohir sat against the table his arms crossed and leaning to catch what his brother was saying, but as soon as he saw Itarildë he stood and said, "Good morrow, is there something I can do for you."

Itarildë nodded, "May I see the note?"

Elladan shrugged and handed the square of parchment to her. Itarildë licked her lips and looked away in embarrassment, "Thank you Prince Elladan, I will return to you this afternoon."

Elladan smiled kindly, "There's no rush Itarildë, take your time. As it is I will have more then enough to fill my time. I doubt I shall miss it."

Itarildë dropped a curtsy and left the room heading for the quiet herb garden just off the kitchen. A few elleths were there weeding and gossiping about the disappearance of the Shipwright but they greeted Itarildë pleasantly enough. She sat and taking a deep breath read the letter. It was short and to the point.

_Findecáno,_

_At this time I feel called away to some business in the north and would ask you to see to the arrangement of my affairs while I am away. I am sorry that I was unable to do this myself but time is of the essence. I place Prince Elladan in my position while I am away. The construction of the vessel should go on without me as the few last minute details may be completed easily by the men._

_Cirdan, Shipwright_

"He is a very concise writer isn't he?" Eglerion slipped down beside Itarildë and pulled the note from her grasp quickly scanning the contents.

She nodded, "But I'm so confused! He's never been away all the time I've been here and I am afraid there something really wrong."

Eglerion wrapped an arm around Itarildë's shoulders and traced a finger along her face, "You're so sensitive to others feelings darling. Did anyone ever ask if you were an empath?"

Itarildë snorted, "No indeed. But seriously Eglerion. Do you think there's anything wrong."

Eglerion sighed and rested his chin against her chin before saying, "My love you know he is a wise man. I am sure if he went it was because he knew he should. I wouldn't worry over it."

Itarildë bit her lip, "What if he doesn't return before we leave? He should he might not be back in time. I don't know if I could leave like that."

With a sound of frustration Eglerion released her and stood. He walked away to where the path lead down toward the dock, "Look down there Itarildë, what lies in the dock?"

"What are you talking about Eglerion?" Itarildë asked. She went to his side to put distance between herself and the elleths were by this time listening keenly to what the couple was saying to one another.

"I mean that down there is the full labor of Cirdan's love," Eglerion said heavily, "One of many vessels that he has crafted and made and I think at this point the should be allowed time away from it."

Itarildë was appalled, "How can you say that? The sea and his ships are all of Cirdan's life. For him to grow tired of it would be as if Illuvatar grew tired of the song of the Ainur. All his life Cirdan has built these ships and let given them into the hands of others. Unselfishly. Would he do that if he felt tired of it?"

"He did leave it, his great love. Look, All I am saying is that everyone grows weary from time to time, even of the things they love." Eglerion explained.

Itarildë's eyes burned, "Do you grow weary of me then?"

Without another word or look Itarildë ran back toward the house and her duties. Eglerion stood in shook at the brutally of her words.

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The day passed with agonizing slowness and all day Itarildë was uncommonly irritable. She went about her duties with Eglerion' words ringing in her ears and angry tears burned the backs of her eyes, but she repressed them savagely.

By evening her face was pale and dark rings were shadowing her eyes. She sat in her favorite chair on the porch and allowed the rush and sigh of the sea to calm her. But even as the sound was unchanged there was something missing to sooth her and Itarildë knew it was the Shipwright. Deep inside she knew that her words to Eglerion had been an outlet for her unhappiness.

A sound caused her to look up and see Prince Elladan standing in the purple shadows of the house watching her.

"You look tremulously unhappy," he said plainly.

Instead of feeling insulted, Itarildë nodded and wearily rested her head on her arms, "I feel it. I feel…old."

Elladan could not resist a hearty chuckle at this comment and the accompanying look he earned from the elleth.

"I am sorry Mistress, but you must understand that you are very young to have such feelings."

"I am nearly three thousand years old," Itarildë said.

Elladan's dark eyes snapped with amusement, "I am six thousand my dear lady or a little older. I must confess after a time I have stop keeping count."

"Oh please go away if all you want to do is brag," she said bluntly.

Elladan quickly sobered, "I assure you I meant nothing of the kind."

He moved to the chair by her side but only leaned on the back as he followed her gaze out to sea.

"I understand that you and Eglerion had words today."

"Gossip never sleeps," Itarildë muttered, "Forgive me Prince Elladan but I don't wish to speak of it."

"Very well," Elladan said and there was a shrug in his tone, "But you looked so very pensive and solemn out here that I thought I should come along and see if there was anything I could do to bring you. I am afraid that I don't tell funny stories very well. That's rather more Elrohir's lines. And jokes," he added quickly.

Itarildë smiled faintly at this, "So the youngest son of Elrond is a story teller?"

"Oh yes. We always had stories and music and poems at Imladris," Elladan explained, "We're quite a merry lot."

"Do you mind if I ask a frank question?"

"Go ahead, I won't promise to answer, but go ahead."

"Do you never miss Imladris even though you are here and ready to depart for Valinor?" Itarildë studied Elladan's handsome profile closely.

Elladan glanced at her and for a moment there was a hint of understanding in them, "Yes, of course I do."

"Before the sea called you did you ever grow tired of it?" she asked, "I mean, did you ever feel like getting away from it?"

"Will you believe me if I tell you the honest truth?" he asked.

"Of course," Itarildë answered, "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you have a marked purpose for asking and I know that my answer my not be exactly what you want."

She said nothing and he went on, "The truth is that I hated Imladris for years before I came to love it as I do now. All of my childhood I enjoyed my home and the people there. As the prince of the realm I wanted for nothing and I had a very loving family. But when Elrohir and I grew older we went out more and more often and not just to Lothlorien with our parents."

"Why would you come to hate it?" Itarildë asked quietly.

"Because it represented everything that I lost when my mother left." Elladan said softly, "When she left all the rooms and grounds and valleys of Imladris seemed haunted with her. You must understand that I was closer to my mother then my father. And when she was taken…"

Elladan let the words hang in the air and raised his hands in a helpless gesture.

"You blamed yourself." Itarildë filled in for him.

Elladan nodded and went on, "So, I kept away and lived among the Dúnedain. Elrohir came with me because we were never good for anything when we are apart. Good came of it because we found and brought back the child that grew to be Elessar, king of Gondor. But it was hundreds of years before I could see the happiness of my home. Sometimes the thing that cause you the most joy can cause the greatest pain. When I left I was leaving the pain as much as I could."

He smiled down at her, "Does that answer your question?"

"I think so. Painful and wonderful at the same time," Itarildë answered, "Love is that way isn't it?"

"Yes," Elladan agreed, "Love is like that."

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**SongMaster: **Chicken Wings and Cirdan? You are one odd duck. And Cirdan is not yours or mine because he is too hot to hold like that. I am glad that you see Cirdan as the…er…sea. I want him to get more action in this one. Boy, that sounded totally wrong.

**Lady Anck-su-namun** I always take a long time to up date because I want the story to be great, great, great! I loved writing the part with the elflings too.

**Orchid's Rain**I love your name! Too cool. And thank you every much, I try.

**Daeomae**I am glad I can keep you interested, I hope you enjoy this up date as well.


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